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©2019 Jimbo Kennedy

Jimbo Kennedy is an Oregon-based guitarist and author.

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Obey Captain Beefheart's "Ten Commandments of Guitar"

August 29, 2018

 

As YouTube reviewer Simon Jacques puts it, "There is something captivating about the captain, something so magical that has you in it's spell... He's like Tom Waits, more than a musician. More than the lyrics and the songs, a presence and gravitas that has you in it's spell. You're not a fan of the Captains, you become a part of him...​"

 

 

Every musician needs heroes. I have many and you will hear all about them. To start this blog on the right foot, Captain Beefheart is the first.

When I started playing guitar back in 1998, I had the good fortune to befriend Bjorn Bergeson. He and I started playing guitar around the same time but his parents had far better music tastes than mine. Don't get me wrong - I appreciate my parents' love of Chicago, The Eagles, Queen, UB40, and Sade. But Bjorn's parents had a record collection to rival the local radio station! He introduced me to more artists than I can name here. Captain Beefheart was one of them.

 

 
When you hear some of the wild-eyed circus performers from the sixties & seventies, you get a taste of the Other World. This tastes like something so strange and wonderful it eludes description. To know it, you have to experience the thing. Captain Beefheart comes from a time of rampant drug abuse and free love. But look into his eyes and listen to his music - calm clarity reigns supreme. Untouched by self-deception.

You can study his Wikipedia on your own time. You would probably do better to peruse his website, Beefheart.com. This isn't his birthday or deathday or any other significant day. But I want you to know about this fabulous man and his beautiful music. Watch the video above. Watch this documentary, too:

 

 

These YouTube videos are great and everything. But this is a guitar blog last I checked. As the title suggests, Captain Beefheart had some famous suggestions on how to play guitar. Here, I present to you:

 

Captain Beefheart's

10 Commandments of Guitar

 

1. Listen to the birds
That’s where all the music comes from. Birds know everything about how it should sound and where that sound should come from. And watch hummingbirds. They fly really fast, but a lot of times they aren’t going anywhere.

2. Your guitar is not really a guitar
Your guitar is a divining rod. Use it to find spirits in the other world and bring them over. A guitar is also a fishing rod. If you’re good, you’ll land a big one.

3. Practice in front of a bush
Wait until the moon is out, then go outside, eat a multi-grained bread and play your guitar to a bush. If the bush doesn’t shake, eat another piece of bread.

4. Walk with the devil
Old Delta blues players referred to guitar amplifiers as the “devil box.” And they were right. You have to be an equal opportunity employer in terms of who you’re brining over from the other side. Electricity attracts devils and demons. Other instruments attract other spirits. An acoustic guitar attracts Casper. A mandolin attracts Wendy. But an electric guitar attracts Beelzebub.

5. If you’re guilty of thinking, you’re out
If your brain is part of the process, you’re missing it. You should play like a drowning man, struggling to reach shore. If you can trap that feeling, then you have something that is fur bearing.

6. Never point your guitar at anyone
Your instrument has more clout than lightning. Just hit a big chord then run outside to hear it. But make sure you are not standing in an open field.

7. Always carry a church key
That’s your key-man clause. Like One String Sam. He’s one. He was a Detroit street musician who played in the fifties on a homemade instrument. His song “I Need a Hundred Dollars” is warm pie. Another key to the church is Hubert Sumlin, Howlin’ Wolf’s guitar player. He just stands there like the Statue of Liberty — making you want to look up her dress the whole time to see how he’s doing it.

8. Don’t wipe the sweat off your instrument
You need that stink on there. Then you have to get that stink onto your music.

9. Keep your guitar in a dark place
When you’re not playing your guitar, cover it and keep it in a dark place. If you don’t play your guitar for more than a day, be sure you put a saucer of water in with it.

10. You gotta have a hood for your engine
​Keep that hat on. A hat is a pressure cooker. If you have a roof on your house, the hot air can’t escape. Even a lima bean has to have a piece of wet paper around it to make it grow.
————————–
“Though they bear numbers, they are not arranged heirarchically — each Commandment has equal import.”

 

Thanks for reading,

.j.

Check out Captain Beefheart and my other guitar heroes

in the Spotify playlist:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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